…Every Step of the Way.

 

This recent snowstorm has given me time to reflect between bouts of shoveling over 2 feet of snow. I’ll post about the storm another time but I want to finally post something I’ve been thinking and reflecting on for months: God’s continually provision for my family, every step of the way. We have gone from being employed in Belize and living the dream, to you know the classic situation of being jobless, pregnant, homeless and confused. We lacked a sense of direction for our future, as our plans crumbled before us but that’s what makes for great adventures and interesting stories.

Susquehanna River, Winter 2015

We were so fortunate to have family, my in-laws who were more than willing to take us in for about 5 weeks around the Christmas holiday in 2014. It’s not that my family didn’t offer or wouldn’t have but they had extra room because three of their oldest children had moved out. We were planning on spending time there for the holidays but extended it when we found out we weren’t going to be returning to Belize in the near future. We only knew that about 4-5 weeks before we left Belize which isn’t a lot of time to prepare, move, say good-bye or find new jobs. It was such a blessing to have a comfortable place to come, stay and call home. We were able to spend a much longer amount of quality time with her family which we otherwise wouldn’t have the luxury of doing. It was such a blessing to be able to use their house as a home base until we figured out our next move.

It’s all the little things that matter and turn out to be part of God’s plan. Once we knew we were returning to the United States for the foreseeable future, we started telling our friends. One of our friends made an announcement at our home church of St. Paul’s Episcopal Church to keep us in prayer for this huge transition. We would need jobs, insurance (especially Cale being pregnant), housing, transportation etc. I don’t remember if we asked her to announce it at church or not but it started a chain reaction. Someone at church that we knew but not overly well needed a house sitter. They were going to Africa for 5 months and needed someone to watch over their house. If I remember correctly, they had someone in mind but it fell through and they were still looking. The timing couldn’t have been better and the only way to describe it is God’s timing.

The beautiful yard covered in snow where we housesat.

They were leaving in early to mid January and that was around the time we wanted to return to the Harrisburg community. They let us stay in their beautiful house and only asked for a little to help with utilities. They completely went above and beyond by letting us use their car the whole time. They also told us to eat whatever was in the refrigerator, freezer and pantry. They emptied their bedroom of personal belongings so that we could put our clothes in their closet and dressers. It was a wonderful home, in a beautiful and quiet location. It was close to the Green Belt (a park that encircles the city). It was furnished and comfortable. In short it was the nicest house I have lived in for any length of time and exactly what we needed. It brings me to tears thinking about God’s provision and generosity.

Because we were able to live there for 5 months we didn’t have to rush to find jobs to pay the bills. We didn’t have to find housing right away, furniture or all the household items we would need for a new house. We were living there when we had our first child. It had room enough for our family when they came to visit. It relieved so much stress during a season that could have been such stressful time. There is no way we could have asked or planned for things to work out in such a perfect manner. God rained his blessings down on us and definitely has our best interest in mind.

Crocus on one of our many walks near where we house sat in 2015.

(I hope to continue to reflect on God’s provision for jobs, insurance, community and friends in the near future and to write about it).

The joys of a pooping and peeing baby…

Hudson bright eyed and full of life. He’s always looking around.

Who knew that when you are at the hospital there is a whole schedule for how often a newborn is suppose to poop and pee. Unfortunately, for us initially Hudson wasn’t doing enough of either. If it’s not coming out the other end, you know it means they aren’t eating enough because what goes in must come out. Personally, I think he was just taking after his mother because she is often running late. Eventually, Hudson had his first poop, a black tar like substance that sticks to everything which is called meconium. Hudson’s schedule was just a little delayed getting started but by the third night he was pooping and peeing fine. I’m sure everyone has their own baby’s poop stories but I’ll share a few of ours….

Hudson was born with jaundice and the last night in the hospital he needed to be in the incubator (horrible experience for all parties evolved). Hudson got his revenge in the middle of the night. He had his first absolute blow out. He was wearing a diaper but it leaked out on to the blanket with a blue light(I forget it’s name but it made him look like something from Avatar) and the inside of the incubator. I was getting him out of the incubator to change him, and it leaked onto the floor, on the side of the changing table and all over the top of the changing table. Who knew that one little 3 day old could produce so much poop and make such a mess. The revenge was short lived because he still had to go back inside the incubator once it was cleaned.

Grandpa, holding our Avatar baby…actually just a blanket with blue light to help with jaundice. Tess, kissing him on the cheek.

Every parent learns that babies try to wait until you’ve just changed their diaper to poop so you hear it and know they need their diaper changed again. It’s like they want you to use as many diapers as possible. The other game they play is to wait for the diaper changer to be distracted, to start peeing and soak anything near them. Sometimes that means he pees on himself, on you, on his clothes, on a new diaper, on a blanket, on the floor or anything that was unlucky enough to be close to him. Once when we were wiping his butt, he started peeing and because his legs were lifted up, he peed onto his own face. At first he was stunned and then he started crying. It’s at times like these that it just easier to give him a bath to clean him up. I’m more inclined to laugh about it but sometimes it make us feel a little bad like we are bad parents. (FYI one of us was the changer and one the distracter)

The first time Hudson had green fibrous poop, it wasn’t something that we were expecting and therefore concerning. He isn’t eating solid food but Micalagh had eaten kale the night before so we were a little confused. You obviously don’t get fiber like that through breast milk. After doing a little research Cale found out that it means he isn’t getting enough hind milk and that it was completely normal. It just meant that she needed to keep him on one breast or the other for a longer period of time.

Hudson, is a Corn Husker at heart. He’s wearing my hat in support of the team. It must run in his blood.

The last story I’ll tell today is about when we decided to have a friend come and do a newborn photo shoot. She was just getting into the business and was trying to get more experience. (FYI love her pictures) Hudson was doing wonderful and she decided it would be good to get some cute naked baby pictures. Things were coming along well, until it was time to have daddy hold him. You can probably guess exactly what happened… I’m holding him on my arm and he is doing great until suddenly Cale notice my pants and shirt were getting wet and it was spreading downward. I hadn’t even felt it yet because it hadn’t soaked through. Seconds later, he pooped on me, not just once but twice. In these situations there just isn’t anything you can do but laugh. I’m sure that it won’t be the last time he does something like this to me. Hudson continues to bring us so much Joy, Happiness, Love and Life in the adventure of parenting.

Baby and his mother…No greater Love…

Journey of Parenthood…

Beautiful sunset over the city with my wife, Hudson and Brin (sister-in-law).

I’m sitting here watching my baby, Hudson sleep on a blanket next to me. He is just over 10 weeks old, strong, healthy and not too fussy. At 6 weeks he was 90^th percentile of height and weight. It’s amazing to watch all the changes and growth that have occurred in such a short period of time. I don’t know what’s normal and what’s not but that’s part of the excitement and awe. I definitely understand why people always talk about their babies. I promise, I’ll try not to only talk about Hudson all the time but give a first-time, proud father a little grace if he gushes from time to time. If he is like me he could easily lose track of time talking about their child and not notice the glazed eyes staring back at him. Luckily, loads of people love to hear all about their babies and their progress. For instance people love to hear that recently Hudson woke himself up by laughing in his sleep (only second time laughing) but luckily fell right back to sleep. What was he dreaming that caused him to laugh so hard?

So…He isn’t sleeping in this picture but he does have a beautiful smile.

There are so many things that I’ve learned during the pregnancy, baby class (recommend Om Baby), reading, and being with Hudson. I’ll share a little about my “little burrito”, Hudson and the things I have learn on this journey of parenthood. I call him my “little burrito because he looks ‘snug as a bug in a rug’ when he is swaddled for the evening. I think I’ll make a list of things people didn’t tell me before having a baby.

1. Babies can and do absolutely mesmerize you. You enjoy watching them sleep, eat, poop, smile, kick or whatever it is they are doing for hours on end. You continue to fall in love with them and just want to be with them, make eye contact and make them happy.
2. I didn’t know that babies could make such amazing baby sounds. It’s absolutely precious to hear them coo, laugh and suckle.
3. I wasn’t aware they could projectile spit-up 18 inches or more with such speed, volume and accuracy (messier the better). Cale has gotten spit-up in the face in the middle of the night while I have only during the day.
4. I knew I would grow as a person but didn’t know how much I would grow and change. My heart is over-flowing with so much love and joy; I can hardly stand it. I am so in awe of this little life and of God’s hand all of it.
5. I didn’t know or remember that babies smile in their sleep.
6. It’s amazing what you will do for a heart-melting smile from your son.
7. I didn’t think about how it would change my career path. I finally need a job that pays something more than a pittance and that is still family friendly. (Cale was on maternity leave but has returned to part-time work)
8. I didn’t know that I could or would want to have my son sleeping on my chest for hours. He fits comfortably on my chest and wraps his arms around me.
9. I often find myself wondering who he will grow up to be and what will his personality be like? How will he influence and change the world?
10. I didn’t know how amazing it would be to feed my son from a bottle for the first time. We are breast-feeding Hudson and it was 7 weeks before we first introduced a bottle (mama’s breast milk). It was so gratifying to be able to finally be able to feed my son.

This is the first time I ever fed Hudson.

I will continue this line of thought another day but for now I wish you all the very best. May your day be filled with Love, Joy and Peace.  Thank you for reading and I would love to know if you like my blog or if you have things you would add to the list.  Thanks.

Whirlwind of Transitions and Change…

Being watched from above…I don’t actually know the name of this hawk.

I have rarely been consistent with writing on this blog but I would like to change that starting now. Not that I will ever write on a daily basis but maybe weekly blogging should be my goal. I might not be perfectly consistent but I’ll give it a shot. I recently realized that my wife and I moved back to the United States from Belize a little more than 6 months ago. It’s been a whirlwind of transitions and change. We have lived with my in-laws; house sat, and rented back the house we left 2 years ago. We had our first baby (Hudson) who is now 2 months old. We have applied and interviewed for countless jobs and now both have part-time work, which is great for the present with a newborn. In mid-August, I am starting a permanent job with benefits as a teacher. We have navigated Obama care in order to get much-needed health insurance and struggled with reverse culture shock. I could continue on and on about these changes but that will be my material for my blogging. Transitions have been our life for over 6 months and it will continue to be, for the foreseeable future. I need to take time to unpack all of these transitions that have happened in such a short period of time and express them. I hope this will be a platform where I can start this journey of processing my life. I know it is healthy for me to reflect upon the past and remember from where I have come. It gives me insightful perspective on myself, as a person and my place in the world. It gives me life and helps me to feel more whole. It might seem counterintuitive but by going inward it helps me to look outside of myself. It reveals the larger picture of how God continues to be with us through all the seasons of our life.

This White Hawk was soaring over our campus the last day we were in Belize. It was the first and only time I have seen one so far.

Reflections on Love and Pregnancy…

Micalagh and I enjoying one of our many walks on the Green Belt.

We are now 5 days past our due date and it has been an emotional roller coaster. It’s definitely a different stage of pregnancy. Starting about 5 days before our due date until our due date we were on pins and needles. It seemed like she was going to have the baby at any moment. We were as prepared as anyone can be at this point. I was constantly checking on Cale and asking her how she was feeling. This means that in the middle of the night when she has to pee for the 10^th time because we all know that pregnant woman have tiny bladders asking her if she was ok. This meant neither of us was sleeping particularly well. I think we have finally come to peace with the truth that the baby will come when the baby is ready! Since then we have been feeling calmer and sleeping better. We are enjoying our walks, dates, friends and the blessing of this extra time together.

Sunrise this past Easter on the Susquehanna River in downtown Harrisburg.

I don’t know how to express how much I am longing for this birth and at the same time feeling nervous. We have never had a baby before and we don’t know how completely it will change our lives forever. Until you experience parenthood you never know what exactly to expect and I think everyone experiences it differently. I can’t even begin to share all the things I have learned during this season of my life about our marriage, God, the human body and myself. But I thought I’d share a few of my more recent reflections on this momentous occasion.

Sunset at Green Pond this past winter.

For the record I think mothers are not the only ones that nest. I have noticed a tendency in me to want to prepare and help out more as it manifests itself in different ways. I want to get the stuff ready to go to the hospital. I want to make sure the sleeping area is ready and have a car seat. I can’t tell you how much better I felt once we had the car seat and it was installed and had the bags packed. Micalagh definitely had different things she wanted or needed to accomplish to feel more prepared. One of those things was having the changing table prepared. Once I knew she would feel better getting that ready, I helped accomplish that task.

Penelope our male duck and one of the chicks we hatched in Belize resting on him.

I think there is a part of me that is a little guilty that I am not sharing in carrying the baby for 10 months. Side note why does everyone think it is 9 months when 40 weeks is considered the due date? I really don’t understand everything saying 9 months when the aim is 10 months. Doesn’t really matter because baby will come when the baby is ready. Back to the feeling guilty… I didn’t have the morning sickness, carry a heavy basketball in my belly, soreness, being swollen or the lack of ability to take medicine if you are sick (i.e. Belizean amoebas) to feel better. I think this helps motivate me to help fulfill her hunger cravings, wash dishes, do laundry, do back and foot massages, cook more regularly and go shopping.   I also have had more grace when it comes to food cravings and eating out.

Picture of a beautiful flower, taken in Belize with rain clinging to the petals.

But the more I reflect on this, the more I realize it isn’t really about guilt at all but all about love. It’s a reflection of how much my heart continues to grow and how much I want to show my love for Cale and baby Moritz. All these things are labors of love with my sincere desire to share in our pregnancy experience.

(I have more to share but I think I’ll leave that for another time.)

Walking, Watching, Waiting and Flowers…

A picture of a flower that Cale and I found on one of our walks in Paxtang.

 

Cale and I have been diligently trying to take daily walks throughout the winter and spring even in the midst of the bitter cold, ice and snow.  We know the exercise is especially good during pregnancy.  The further along in the pregnancy the slower the walks have been, the nicer the weather and more meaningful the time.  We’ve had time explore our new neighborhood, talk, be present with each other and be in the moment.  We have enjoyed watching the change in seasons from winter to spring.  We are watching the neighborhood bring forth new life with people outside, kids playing, birds building nests, plant growth and flowers blooming.  It has helped us to keep our sanity by slowing us down and helping us to communicate.  I hope it continues to be a discipline we practice for the rest of our lives.  It has helped us connect with each other while enjoying and being in awe of the wonders of nature.  It’s a beautiful thing to have during this season of change.  We are joining in the cycle of nature as we eagerly wait for the arrival of our little one.

 

Does anyone know the name of this flower? Love the lighting on it.

 

Just a few signs of Spring!

Beautiful crocus right outside our back door. Just love the light on the flower.

Snowdrops outside of a friends house. Just love seeing these bloom first thing in the spring.

I’ve never seen the inside of a Snowdrop before. I think they are absolutely amazing. I heard but it hasn’t been confirmed that Snowdrops create a little heat so they can melt though the snow.

Winter is ending…The Captivating Magic of Snow

Winter on the Susquehanna River near Little Amps 2015.

The Captivating Magic of Snow

I just remember being completely in awe,

The beauty of softly falling snow in the fading light,

The silence of a city full of people holding their breath,

Captivated by the beauty of this winter evening,

Watching the snow slowly floating down to earth,

How peaceful it is without a care in the world,

Oh, how beautiful and majestic,

How fragile and unique

Just like us; no two are ever alike

From heaven they fall, bringing peace, hope, beauty and love,

To the hurting and broken world,

Salve to cover and heal the terrible wounds of this world.

By Joshua J.D. Moritz, 2014

I started this poem on the back of a bulletin from an Alternative Worship Experience (Market Square Presbyterian Church) in Little Amps, Harrisburg in 2012.  We sat in this little coffee shop that was just absolutely magical.  It was absurdly quiet and cozy as we watched the hypnotizing snow as it slowly fell from heaven.  I don’t know why I never finished it this poem.  But as I was missing winter and snow while living in Belize, I felt inspired pick it back up and to see if I could find the right words.  I feel that I did it justice because I keep coming back to it and it continues to resonate with my experience.  I hope you are able to take something from it as well.

Blessed are those who mourn

I randomly happened upon this blog post and find it to be incredibly insightful. It speaks the Truth and so I wanted to share it. Thanks.

Baby Kicking

Baby Common Pauraque in Belize!

I have known for months that I am going to be a Father in April. Micalagh, my wife is pregnant with a healthy baby who is due April 18^th. The due date is on Micalagh’s and my grandmother’s birthday. As the days and weeks have passed the larger her belly grows. It is becoming more real as the days and weeks and then months pass. Micalagh survived the first trimester full of morning sickness, cravings and being enemies with her food. I’ve never been a father before and my parents separated at the young age of 10 years old. I don’t know how to be a good father. Whoever decided that it was a good idea to put a completely dependent baby in my life doesn’t know that I’m not ready. I know that maybe I am freaking out a little bit but I’m being real. I don’t want to scar my child permanently by inefficiencies, faults and weakness as a parent. I’m completely ignorant as to what things I need to know about attachment, co-sleeping, discipline, feeding and diapers.

Baby Bird in a nest! Belize

Micalagh looks the part of a radiantly glowing expectant mother ready to have a child and do her motherly duties. She wants to read everything old and current on birthing and parenting. She wants to be ready and prepared and is much more so that I am. She has a plethora of women in her life to glean birthing, motherly and parenting advice. I’m a bit lost and don’t really know where to start. I just know that I am going to be a Father and I already love this child with every ounce of my being. How is it that I get to be so lucky as to have this child?

Baby Boa Constrictor in Belize!

How is it possible to be so in love with this child, whom I have never met? I sometimes lay my head on Cale’s lap and talk to our unborn child and wonder what they will be like. I never know what to say except that they are special, loved and I can’t wait to meet them. Obviously, I don’t want to meet them too soon and have them come prematurely. It’s completely electrifying to feel the baby kick and move inside Micalagh. I’m completely in awe of the fact that there is life growing inside this belly because of our union.

Howler Monkey with baby holding on the back in Belize!

I sometimes feel like Mary and ponder these things in my heart. What will our baby be like and who will it grow up to be?  I am sometimes completely overwhelmed with the fact that a little life is growing in my wife’s womb. How did we become so blessed to be co creators with God? Our love created this life that will God willing turn into a child, a teenager, a young adult and eventually into an adult. They will be their own person with their own character with strengths and weakness. This is too much to comprehend. This is a miracle that is God’s doing alone. He has blessed us with the chance to be a family and to raise this child. If he has faith in us maybe I should have a little faith in myself.